Happy New Year!

2014 was a year for the books. It was a rough one for me as mom. Maybe the roughest yet. Perhaps the greatest lesson learned (or confirmed, really) is that motherhood is hard. Really, really, really hard. Up until this year, I feel like I've kind of coasted through being a mom and everything has just turned out great. Lately it's been a bit of a baptism by fire and a kick in the teeth. I'm not sure if it's been the addition of a 5th child, the ages of each child right now, or just their personalities beginning to really develop, or a combination of all of these things and more, but I find myself more frustrated and confused and irritated than ever before. I spent a lot of time trying to fix behavior and then wishing I had done more to prevent said behavior; and then wondering what went wrong. Granted, my kids are still little. Very little. In 10 or 15 years when they're all teenagers I'm sure I'll remember these days as anything but hard. However, I often think of the quote from President Ezra Taft Benson, "It is better to prepare and prevent than it is to repair and repent." I really want to fix some of my parenting mistakes before their consequences are too far-reaching that I can't. My kids are my life's masterpiece. I am so thankful that each morning I am presented with 5 fresh, clean canvases. I feel like my kids kind of supply the paint and tools, but I get to decide what the end product will be.I've realized that, for now anyways, I am ultimately in control of every situation. I can choose my attitude and reactions; theirs will likely follow in the same way. Many days will end in chaos and disaster. I know that. I'm not expecting perfection (whatever that is?!). I just know that if I mess up my kids, what good can I really ever feel I've done in this world?

And I want to say a little about "Mom guilt." It is real. But I think it's also good at times. So many say not to feel guilty; you're doing great, everything will be fine. I think that's a little passive aggressive for my style. Maybe that guilt has a purpose. Maybe we feel guilt as mothers because it helps us know to keep working and keep trying and changing and loving and correcting. Maybe we feel guilt because it's a reminder that what we're doing is really, super, eternally important. Because it is. I'm hoping to use that guilt (that I feel at the end of every day, like pretty much every other mother I've ever talked to!) and make something of it. Turn that guilt into productivity. Because if there's one thing I've really had jammed into my brain this year is this: motherhood is not a casual, take-it-easy, try something and hope for the best, it will all work out sort of thing. Not for me, anyways. It's so much more than that. And that means a lot (A LOT) of work. I feel I've been too lackadaisical in my parenting. And I'm suffering the consequences. But I think I can fix some things and we'll all be happier.

So, knowing that you can't fix a problem until you've identified what it is, I wanted to list my greatest challenges with each of my children. And their greatest strengths and talents right now. My goal is to do this on a monthly basis so that I know what to focus on with each of them.

Isaac
Challenges:
1. Grumpy attitude and unwillingness to do what is asked of him.
2. Lack of interest in much reading, writing, etc. outside of school.
3. Acting out in anger towards siblings.
4. Fear of irrational things, especially the dark.
5. Disrespect towards parents
6. Screen addiction.

Strengths:
1. Respectful to all other adults.
2. Courteous of friends' and peers' feelings at school.
3. Loves sports, and is naturally athletic.
4. Enjoys learning new things, especially anything science related.
5. Very tech-savy. 
6. Inquisitive and insightful, especially about gospel topics.

Leah
Challenges:
1. Being too "helpful" with her brothers.
2. Random separation anxiety.
3. Occasional, compulsive behavior.
4. Screaming, crying, and wailing; standard dramatic behavior.

Strengths:
1. Helpful with tasks when asked.
2. Very responsible.
3. Loves to sing, dance, and do gymnastics.
4. Very smart; loves to read, write, and create.

Adam
Challenges:
1. Thumb-sucking.
2. Getting angry and using inappropriate words when upset.
3. Can be very self-conscious and worries about people laughing at him. 

Strengths:
1. Very creative and inventive.
2. Loves playing with anything mechanical.
3. Enjoys puzzles and figuring things out.

Jared
Challenges:
1. Unprovoked biting, scratching, hitting, grabbing, etc.
2. Not listening.
3. Picky eating.
4. Touches and then usually destroys anything he can get his hands on.

Strengths:
1. Loves to sing his own songs and dance to any music.
2. Can throw and kick a ball well, and follows in Isaac's athletic footsteps.
3. Loves Jake and is our first child to favor him over me.
4. His fluffy, blonde hair is awesome.

Caleb
Challenges:
1. Sleeping all night.

Strengths:
1. He's adorable and easy-going.
2. He's 5 months old. 


Each day I have a new scripture on my phone. Today was obviously meant just for me (ok, and everyone else who is looking forward to a new year with some changes and improvements in mind..):

Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing; and establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God; D&C 88:119

This is the goal; as a family, as a couple, as a mom, and as a woman. Be prepared, there are good things to come for those who are ready. So, with that in mind, we will be enacting stricter rules, new routines and more defined schedules, more family time, more chores and work, more reading and learning, more scripture study and gospel learning, more fruits and veggies and vitamins, and lots more hugs, cuddles, and kisses.

Hopefully, on January 1, 2016 I'll have had a better year. And my kids will be happier, which means I will be happier. I pray for divine guidance and I continue this adventure of motherhood and look forward to the growth and change that awaits!

I just feel like I should mention a little about Jake before I end here. He's amazing. He's my kids' hero. He's my best friend. And he's certainly not a silent by-stander in this child-rearing thing. There is no way I could do this without him. But he's not one to be spotlighted so I'll just leave it at that. I love him. :)

Lastly, my own, personal goals for 2015:

1. Set and follow a daily routine for our family.
2. Figure out my personal style and add items to my wardrobe to reflect it.
3. Continue family prayer and scripture study each day, and be more consistent on weekly Family Home Evening lessons. Allow the kids to take a more active role in teaching the lessons.
4. Send a card or letter to someone once a month, just because.
5. Read to/with my kids every day.
6. Run the Sweet Corn 5K in August and begin training for the Pieathalon in May 2016.
7. Be the first one up each day; be showered and dressed before getting the kids up.
8. Go on a date at least every other month.
9. Take more pictures and do something with them; print a family yearbook.
10. Post on the blog at least monthly to record our family's adventures.

Happy New Year!